N is for Neurotic

The joys of internet hook-ups. At least in a bar you have the benefit of your own perception rather than everything being put forwards how the other person want to be seen. Of course beer goggles and the horror of waking up the next morning next to a monster is even more scary- there's no going back from that mistake. Not that I would know, brought up in a convent and all...

Best case scenario - we meet, hit it off, bang, make concrete plans for the future, follow through and develop a relationship where we like to hang out and bang with the same level of interest. He doesn't begrudge talking time or see other women and he likes to be with me. I don't get all needy and start expecting birthday presents (yeah, you can laugh - I said BEST case scenario, not reality).

However, more likely to happen is:

- he treats me like a booty call at the last minute, won't plan the events and won't do other stuff. I want company as well as sex. "excitement every day", that's what he was shilling. Still it's pretty obvious they only say what they think we want to hear.

- he hates me on sight. I am fatter, more boring, blah blah blah

- he turns out to be a self-involved twat who can't get enough of the sound of his own voice. This one is highly likely, I suspect, but I might still bang him.

Why is he single? - another burning question. Some are divorced, broken up…. Not him. Just single. I know, I know, it doesn't matter. When he meets the love of his life he'll know, blah blah blah… as long as it's not me. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be the one someone is desperately in love with and changes entirely because of , but it don't last, baby. Bang while the banging is good and get out! Actually, he seems imminently sensible and really too good to be true. No baggage. No kids. No ex. Seems to have friends and a social life. Hmmmm.

But a single 40 something dude in decent shape seems like an oddity… Nancy, quick! Turn around!

This mental lapse is brought to you by a charming series of migraines and belatedly, by Always - have a happy fucking period. This blog seeking sponsors with useful products - antidepressants, painkillers, and not least of all chainsaws, because we all know Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw and he never has the same problem twice.