A list (not A-list)

• I am on vacation for two glorious weeks.  No internet.  Good for my mental health if nothing else.
• The kids are gone for the long weekend so I can pack, clean, relax.  Even better, they went up to the cottage with steve so I get to drive alone, oh joy.
• I should be shopping/packing but am, as usual, procrastinating.
• Skated on the lakeshore path yesterday with Miko and Michelle, who rode M's bike - it was awesome.  I refuse to give in to my fear of obstacles, rough ground, railroad tracks, potholes, traffic, gravel, and falling in front of cars, but I categorically refuse to skate through standing water and/or mud.  Did some off-roading as a result.
• Why don't you spell obstacle like testicle?
• The smell of sewage off the treatment plant is truly DISGUSTING.
• I drunk texted dude (who is an M, btw) and was called a lush for my efforts.  Very true.  Will try not to do that again as he threatened to turn back the clock
• Sucked back more vodka and tonic that a body should be able to handle.  Derby is a bad influence on my drinking  habits.
• Had a coughing fit in the car and I couldn't breath in.  Thought my companions would have a stroke since I was driving at the time.  Fun times.  Stupid cough.
• Dude listens to Ray LaMontagne, in case anyone doubted he was perfect for me.
• The Ray tee shirt I got, which is a women's large, fits Calvin who is a skinny 9.  What is wrong with clothing manufacturers?
• There is no rule that said I couldn't stalk him.  I just can't talk to him.
• Six days is forever, six months is eternity.  I hope it gets better.
• Everyone thinks I'm fucked and no one will let me talk about it.  Hence this.
• I put my hands in Bruiseberry's pants.  No, not pants, underwear.  I was drunk. My friends were baiting me.  I am an easy target - they said she had my phone, lying bitches.
• I was box manager for the clam slam!  Most stressful hour of my life.  Tell me again why I do this?  Oh yeah, because it's fun and no one's yelled at me yet.  The day that happens I WILL cry.
• Did absolutely nothing to celebrate Canada day.  I am an apathetic Canadian.

Clams

In case you're interested in why I picked Free-Range Clam over some of the other options...
Free-Range implies slutty, which I aspire to, and describes my parenting style.
Clam is... well, a clam - always good in a sport dominated by lesbian women.  I can hint that I might swing that way and fit in with the cool kids.  Also reflective of my emotional ability, according to some/many.

During the year, the free-range clam tends to stay close to it's own territory, though will occasionally venture into the west end in search of a mate.  During the summer, however, the free-range clam lives up to it's name and wanders all over the countryside.

The free-range clam has been known to slam it's potential mate repeatedly against a hard object to determine his suitability.  It seems obvious that the clam is selecting for hardy genes, although this behavior has also been noted in clams outside the reproductive age.  The clam seems somewhat bloodthirsty as it will often, in the throes of mating passion,  ingest the blood it has drawn..

Am home nursing snot bubbles, trying to kick this stupid chest thing before a. I go on vacation and b. I lose my mind.  Isn't it weird how my doctor will give me a prescription for antibiotics over the phone, based on a few questions the receptionist asks, while some won't even refill a Rx for insulin needles?  My doctor will also see you the same day if you want, while hers takes six weeks for an appointment.  D'ya think you might die in those six weeks?  I think there should be common standards.  When I rule the world things will be better.

Six hours, six days, six weeks, six months.

Momentous

On the advice of my trusted adviser, Dr. Morrison, I ended it with dude today.  It was mutual.  We both recognized it was not viable as is.  Both equally reluctant to end it.  Both knew we had to.  I'd been pushing and pushing and he was so kind and good natured about it, but in the end he was right.  We're done.

On a note that will send Dr. Morrison through the roof, we agreed to get back in touch (if I want to) in six months and see how things stand.  I find that reassuring.  Not that he'll be there waiting for me all fixed and available, or that I will be waiting.  Just... reassuring. 

He is a truly lovely man and I am so sad and sorry that things couldn't work out.  God, I've tried so hard and waited so long for someone like him and then when I do find him, he's "unavailable".  Fix your baggage dude and lets move on.

In other news:

I am now Free-Range Clam #666.  It's not the most popular choice but I love it.