Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Oh, the injustice of it all

It sucks being a chick sometimes. I have raging PMS this month.  I wish I could figure out what made it worse.

  • My boobs rival Dolly Parton's and they are about 10 degrees hotter than the rest of me.  Great in this weather, eh?  And the pain! 
  • I ate my own body weight in sugar yesterday.  I think I would have chewed off the arm of anyone who tried to stop me.
  • I went from total adoration to screaming banshee at my kids yesterday.  Can you say "mood swing", Billy?  Sure, I knew you could.
When does my biological clock run out???

Friday, July 15, 2011

The view from here

What exactly is the view like  from out of your arsehole?  Fuzzy with hints of brown, I suspect.  My wretched brother has his head shoved so far up his ass I'm surprised he can see at all.  Do you think he will realize the universe doesn't revolve around him at some point?  I've cut him more slack than anyone and more that he deserves, certainly, but I've had it.  He can either discuss his shit with me and we can have it out or not.  Frankly, I've lost interest.

Hollywood version:  He calls Monday to ask if he can bring his gf's teenage children up to the cottage.  Now, I knew this was coming since she facebooked she'd been invited a few days before and my umbillically-connected nephew told me, so I was prepared.  It's my vacation.  My time to chill out and relax with my family.  Not to have to deal with strangers, to have to worry about not wearing a bra, changing out of my swimsuit, etc etc.  So I said no.  He said that wasn't fair to him, Darcy went on vacation with him and his kids all the time and he should bring her kids.  WTF?  Not my problem!   I said it was MY vacation and I wanted to spend it with my family and only family.   You're my family; Darcy isn't.  I barely know her, let alone her kids.  And he said:

But Orly came up.

Um, and Orly is not A. the mother of my niece and nephew? B.  My friend??
Don't even start to compare her with Darcy. 

Anyway, I said I wasn't going to argue with him, I'm not comfortable sharing my vacation with strangers and that's that.  He said then he wasn't going to bring Darcy either.  Whatever.

The he sent me a pissy text saying he wasn't coming at all.  Fine, eyeroll.  I let him think about that and he remembered he had to collect his children from me.  He shows up with the van, three passengers, proceeds to pack everyone into the car (six people, five seatbelts).  Calvin cried, Jade wasn't pleased but would never question her dad.  Ari didn't care as long as he had wifi.

Tit.

That is all.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

It's official...

I'm a member of the Divine Viper Assasination Squad.  Frankly, I'm terrified.  Tales of split and blackened eyes abound.  Still, that's what makes life exciting, isn't it?  Maybe I can earn some of my injuries now instead of them all being self-inflicted.

Outdoor skating only till Sept, though .  I'm away for the next week, then the league is moving to a new facility which isn't ready.  Then no practice in August.  I have no desire (let alone hope in hell) of being drafted.  I just wanna play on the D-VAS until I am marginally competant.

25 laps in 5 minutes.  I am way pleased with myself.

Well *I* didn't have internet, at least.

A week with these two:

...has actually been fairly delightful. 
Lots of this:
And this:
Even Chester had and good time:
 Didn't wash my hair for a week.  Awesome.
Home for derby with children (curses) due to unexpected tragedy not at all related to me.  Still, if you didn't have internet and didn't discover it for a few days, how would life be different?  You'd get a few more days of blissful vacation, oblivious, and the person would still be dead when you got back to the city.


Saturday, July 2, 2011

A list (not A-list)

  • I am on vacation for two glorious weeks.  No internet.  Good for my mental health if nothing else.
  • The kids are gone for the long weekend so I can pack, clean, relax.  Even better, they went up to the cottage with steve so I get to drive alone, oh joy.
  • I should be shopping/packing but am, as usual, procrastinating.
  • Skated on the lakeshore path yesterday with Miko and Michelle, who rode M's bike - it was awesome.  I refuse to give in to my fear of obstacles, rough ground, railroad tracks, potholes, traffic, gravel, and falling in front of cars, but I categorically refuse to skate through standing water and/or mud.  Did some off-roading as a result.
  • Why don't you spell obstacle like testicle?
  • The smell of sewage off the treatment plant is truly DISGUSTING.
  • I drunk texted dude (who is an M, btw) and was called a lush for my efforts.  Very true.  Will try not to do that again as he threatened to turn back the clock
  • Sucked back more vodka and tonic that a body should be able to handle.  Derby is a bad influence on my drinking  habits.
  • Had a coughing fit in the car and I couldn't breath in.  Thought my companions would have a stroke since I was driving at the time.  Fun times.  Stupid cough.
  • Dude listens to Ray LaMontagne, in case anyone doubted he was perfect for me.
  • The Ray tee shirt I got, which is a women's large, fits Calvin who is a skinny 9.  What is wrong with clothing manufacturers?
  • There is no rule that said I couldn't stalk him.  I just can't talk to him.
  • Six days is forever, six months is eternity.  I hope it gets better.
  • Everyone thinks I'm fucked and no one will let me talk about it.  Hence this.
  • I put my hands in Bruiseberry's pants.  No, not pants, underwear.  I was drunk. My friends were baiting me.  I am an easy target - they said she had my phone, lying bitches.
  • I was box manager for the clam slam!  Most stressful hour of my life.  Tell me again why I do this?  Oh yeah, because it's fun and no one's yelled at me yet.  The day that happens I WILL cry.
  • Did absolutely nothing to celebrate Canada day.  I am an apathetic Canadian.