Disclosure.

I have a bone to pick with the Harlot . While her blog is highly amusing, interesting and informative with respect to anything related to the fibre arts, I am going to have to take her to task regarding her cavalier attitude towards home renovations.

Now, I understand she lives in an ancient Toronto house, much as I do. She seems to have successfully undertaken several mammoth projects virtually on her own, with relatively little tooth gnashing, and the things that do happen are interesting and blog-worthy.

See, I think this is impossible. Where are the manic rantings of a woman who has been trying to fit something new into a house that has not a single 90 degree angle in it? That has multiple layers of wallpaper, usually still remaining only because they are a structural element of the house - certainly not for aesthetics. Where are the oddities unearthed like the second kitchen craftily concealed behind "that odd piece of paneling"?

I am not so lucky. I have spent the entire weekend trying to change a lock. (We shall not discuss the fact that I spent a previous weekend replacing one lock the insurance company deemed "too insecure" - comical to anyone who knows my ex's ability to close a door - with EXACTLY the same type of lock - and I had a billion keys cut.) A simple deadbolt. I've done it before. Piece of cake.

Except... it's impossible to drill a big hole over a smaller one without clamping another piece of wood on top first. Fine. PITA, but OK. But then the door hole kit I had previously didn't have the right size hole saw. Fine. Went and borrowed one from my neighbour. Turns out to be the same freaking size as the one I already have. Feh. OK, so I improvised (we shall not get into details due to the sloppy nature of my workmanship, but fuck it, it worked).

One day later, lock installed, just the deadbolt strike (?) to go. Nooooooooooooooooooo problem!

So my house is ancient. I think it's had the same lock for the past 60 years, but the wood has been... altered a bit. So when I come along to drill a 1" hole in the door jamb, there's basically nothing to drill into. I'm sure there's an easy way to do this that doesn't involve plastic wood, wood glue and the sawing of a thousand bits of wood to "fill" the 2"x 3" gap in my door jamb right where the strike is supposed to go, but please feel free NOT to point these out to me as I may have to make you eat the ten pounds of wood chips, shavings and scraps of shattered filler bits. Where were you two days ago? Keep in mind this is not a nice neat gap. It's a thousand steps from 1cm to 10 cm and every topographical variation in between. (Yeah, I mix my measurements shamelessly. Sue me.)

Anyway, the final fill piece snapping in two as I drove in the screws for the strike cover plate was the last straw. Another heavy application of wood glue and I threw up my hands and walked away. All I need to do now is put in the strike plate cover (again)(with bigger pilot holes) and I'm done. Piece o'cake.

Nothing entertaining, funny or interesting happened at all, but pity the first child who dares to throw their shoulder against that door.