Done like dinner

OK, really.  I tried.  I've done it all and more for the sake of what -   My relentless quest for the perfect (or at least acceptable) man?  My friends' entertainment?  Something to do while the kids were away?


I've been out with men who make you feel greatand you think there's great chemistry but it mysteriously evaporates (drywall dude), men who make you feel like crap but you adore them anyway for some stupid fucked up reason (douchebag),  men who are so easy to talk to you overlook the fact that they have a personality like wallpaper (Phil).  Men who talk incessantly about themselves (old dude).  Men who bitch about their ex the entire time and how they never got laid and hey, let's go parking! (that would be clicky, the parking dude).  Men who look nothing like their pictures and eat off your plate without asking (can't remember his name - that was a while ago) oh, and then expect you to ask them to come in!  Flicky, the dope fiend with the earlobe issue.  The old fat limpy lawyer who took me to a loud band where he talked incessantly, couldn't hear a word I said when I tried, and then repeatedly tried to stick his tongue down my throat.  Oh, and had a fetish about women with fake limbs... ew.  Well endowed, poorly endowed, good in the sack, USELESS in the sack.  I've done it all.

There were more.  I'm sure I'm forgetting some particularly heinous examples. 

Hey, it's not all bad.  I've had my horizons expanded, my interests changed, my musical taste improved (or at least diversified).  I lost 50 pounds (and lots of my hair - douchebag) .  I've been to therapy for stupid reasons (douchebag) but which ultimately turned out to be helpful.

Post-douchebag we've had:
1:  Toothy - guy who was there with his friend the whole time.
2: Crazy Bill - set up a date and then bailed by email 2 seconds later.  I'm counting him.
3. Drywall dude - total attraction first time, then nothing.  So weird.
4. Lawyer dude with the derby fetish.
5. Bancroft dude.  I'm still counting him since he'd bone me given a chance.
6. Wallpaper dude.  AKA cunnilingus master.
7. Wattle.

Only three to go but I don't think I can do it without a break.