If your name is Plank, how can you ever be anything but a douchebag??
I will be forever grateful for the 50 pounds I've lost. Not so much for the hair I lost, the nights I spent weeping on the couch, for the time I spent boring my friends as they tried to get me to see the obvious. I'm sorry for that, my friends. I'm a bit slow sometimes and you were very patient and kind.
I will hate you forever for making me feel substandard. Stupid. Boring. And for making me feel like it was all my fault.
YOU are a douchbag. D'ya think there's a reason you go out with girls who are 20 something? Women get BETTER as they get older. The smart men have figured this out. Guess where this leaves you?
I am woman, see me hipcheck. And you never will.
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