It's my blog and I'll angst if I want to.

Oh boy. 

Yes, I'm at work.  No, I can't concentrate.

I'm trying really hard not to give in to the feeling of impending doom that is lurking.  Yes, I know I have a long history of denial.  So what, I should change now?

It's been about 24 hours since he left my bed (OK, more like 28, but who's counting?).  When he got home he sent me a text saying good things and ambiguous things which I'm not going to go into.  In general, positive.  Or so I thought.  I sent him an email later that afternoon with the info for next Sat's derby bout in it.  Nothing.  Nothing at all.

OK, I don't know what his policy is on returning emails.  Generally it hasn't been very snappy despite his obvious interest.  But... what?  I wait.  I HATE waiting.  I am not a patient person and my imagination in the interim is a terrible force to be reckoned with.

Has he decided I'm going to ask too much of him?  He's probably right.  We did discuss this in the lead up to him staying the night and it seemed OK but who knows in the light of day how he'll feel.  He promised he wouldn't Houdini. ( Just writing this makes me laugh.  It's the internet, where promises mean less than nothing.  But I believed him.)

It's just that it was so perfect.  So perfect.  So much chemistry.  So much to talk about.   And he was so obviously... well whatever.   Why does everyone have to have plans, expectations, agendas?  Can't you just go with it?  I guess one person's going with it can be perceived and something entirely different to another.

I want to believe you, and so I do, just for tonight.  Thanks Alison Krauss

You're going to break my heart, dude.