Ha. So much for the new me, able to deal with uncertainly, to relax and let things slide. You know why? Because that person is a DOORMAT and I don't want to be a doormat.
Notice I'm not saying I *won't* be a doormat - just that I don't like it. God, that would require me taking a stand, being confrontational, having a backbone. My problem is that I had a backbone at the beginning, we discussed this shit and sort of resolved it and now I am not doing anything about it.
Problem - as usual - communication. I leave it all up to him and then get all hinky when things don't proceed as I think they should. So stupid, though. He's not psychic, he hasn't done anything wrong, it's just that I won't man up and say I have an issue. And of course we all know why - because I don't want him to walk away. Yes, I know, if that makes him walk away I don't want him in the first place but it's so easy to say and so hard to do.
So I'm going to set myself a time limit. You can enjoy (?) the two weeks that the kids are away, make the most of that (if anything even comes of that - I have a long history of spending my free time alone) and then see how things are after that. If you pull the plug after that you won't feel like you chucked away all that potential action (mmmmm... action).
Remember, being a doormat is not attractive. Really. And he likes you, he really does - you're just taking his issues and turning them into an opportunity to be the old passive sappy you. DO something, then you can blame him if it all goes to shit instead of taking it all on yourself. You are awesome. It won't be your fault if this doesn't work out, and as you have discovered it's not your only opportunity for good sex. Good sex is 80% in your mind and 20% a competent partner. Yeah, so you like him. Do you want an inevitably on again off again drag me through the rosebush relationship? Nope, I didn't think so.
Screwing a 35 yo dude? Not sure how I feel about that. Screwing a 35 yo dude who's never been with an "older" woman? Could be a psychologically traumatic experience for yours truly. Only if he's as asshole, though, and I should be able to figure that out before we hop in the sack.
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Momentous
On the advice of my trusted adviser, Dr. Morrison, I ended it with dude today. It was mutual. We both recognized it was not viable as is. Both equally reluctant to end it. Both knew we had to. I'd been pushing and pushing and he was so kind and good natured about it, but in the end he was right. We're done.
On a note that will send Dr. Morrison through the roof, we agreed to get back in touch (if I want to) in six months and see how things stand. I find that reassuring. Not that he'll be there waiting for me all fixed and available, or that I will be waiting. Just... reassuring.
He is a truly lovely man and I am so sad and sorry that things couldn't work out. God, I've tried so hard and waited so long for someone like him and then when I do find him, he's "unavailable". Fix your baggage dude and lets move on.
In other news:
I am now Free-Range Clam #666. It's not the most popular choice but I love it.
On a note that will send Dr. Morrison through the roof, we agreed to get back in touch (if I want to) in six months and see how things stand. I find that reassuring. Not that he'll be there waiting for me all fixed and available, or that I will be waiting. Just... reassuring.
He is a truly lovely man and I am so sad and sorry that things couldn't work out. God, I've tried so hard and waited so long for someone like him and then when I do find him, he's "unavailable". Fix your baggage dude and lets move on.
In other news:
I am now Free-Range Clam #666. It's not the most popular choice but I love it.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Spidey Senses: 1
Dude and I had this looooong discussion last night where he unburdened himself of lots of baggage... to what purpose, I'm not sure. To make me understand him? I don't.
Dude needs TIME. God, I've heard that before. I couldn't even bring myself to ask how much time he thinks he might need to decide whether I was worth fitting into his life, which is what it boils down to. He can say he's confused till the cows come home but what dude doesn't just go for what they want if they want it? It all just screams backing away at warp speed. I must be really great in bed.
I am not going though this train wreck again. One day of sobbing into my keyboard is pretty much as much as I can take, and my hair hasn't finished growing back from last time. (Hmmm ...think what a supermodel I'd be if I lost another 50 lbs, though). My bullshit meter is going off like a mad thing. Nobody avoids a relationship because they're worried they'll hurt someone - it happens all the time and people get hurt and move on. C'est la vie. Me invading your space? Being too demanding? All those are reasonable (and probably much more valid) reasons. So man up and say what the problem really is.
Speaking of, you'd think being all (relatively) thin and fit would have made a difference to the quality of my sex/relationship life. Nope. Not. At. All. I find this completely disappointing. I guess before I could have blamed my perennially single status on the size of my ass, but now what? I guess it really is my stellar personality. How depressing. Yes, I like it for it's own sake, because I feel better and my clothes fit better and I'm more comfortable but really - it's not life changing. Which sucks.
I want a Big Mac.
Dude needs TIME. God, I've heard that before. I couldn't even bring myself to ask how much time he thinks he might need to decide whether I was worth fitting into his life, which is what it boils down to. He can say he's confused till the cows come home but what dude doesn't just go for what they want if they want it? It all just screams backing away at warp speed. I must be really great in bed.
I am not going though this train wreck again. One day of sobbing into my keyboard is pretty much as much as I can take, and my hair hasn't finished growing back from last time. (Hmmm ...think what a supermodel I'd be if I lost another 50 lbs, though). My bullshit meter is going off like a mad thing. Nobody avoids a relationship because they're worried they'll hurt someone - it happens all the time and people get hurt and move on. C'est la vie. Me invading your space? Being too demanding? All those are reasonable (and probably much more valid) reasons. So man up and say what the problem really is.
Speaking of, you'd think being all (relatively) thin and fit would have made a difference to the quality of my sex/relationship life. Nope. Not. At. All. I find this completely disappointing. I guess before I could have blamed my perennially single status on the size of my ass, but now what? I guess it really is my stellar personality. How depressing. Yes, I like it for it's own sake, because I feel better and my clothes fit better and I'm more comfortable but really - it's not life changing. Which sucks.
I want a Big Mac.
Monday, June 20, 2011
It's my blog and I'll angst if I want to.
Oh boy.
Yes, I'm at work. No, I can't concentrate.
I'm trying really hard not to give in to the feeling of impending doom that is lurking. Yes, I know I have a long history of denial. So what, I should change now?
It's been about 24 hours since he left my bed (OK, more like 28, but who's counting?). When he got home he sent me a text saying good things and ambiguous things which I'm not going to go into. In general, positive. Or so I thought. I sent him an email later that afternoon with the info for next Sat's derby bout in it. Nothing. Nothing at all.
OK, I don't know what his policy is on returning emails. Generally it hasn't been very snappy despite his obvious interest. But... what? I wait. I HATE waiting. I am not a patient person and my imagination in the interim is a terrible force to be reckoned with.
Has he decided I'm going to ask too much of him? He's probably right. We did discuss this in the lead up to him staying the night and it seemed OK but who knows in the light of day how he'll feel. He promised he wouldn't Houdini. ( Just writing this makes me laugh. It's the internet, where promises mean less than nothing. But I believed him.)
It's just that it was so perfect. So perfect. So much chemistry. So much to talk about. And he was so obviously... well whatever. Why does everyone have to have plans, expectations, agendas? Can't you just go with it? I guess one person's going with it can be perceived and something entirely different to another.
I want to believe you, and so I do, just for tonight. Thanks Alison Krauss
You're going to break my heart, dude.
Yes, I'm at work. No, I can't concentrate.
I'm trying really hard not to give in to the feeling of impending doom that is lurking. Yes, I know I have a long history of denial. So what, I should change now?
It's been about 24 hours since he left my bed (OK, more like 28, but who's counting?). When he got home he sent me a text saying good things and ambiguous things which I'm not going to go into. In general, positive. Or so I thought. I sent him an email later that afternoon with the info for next Sat's derby bout in it. Nothing. Nothing at all.
OK, I don't know what his policy is on returning emails. Generally it hasn't been very snappy despite his obvious interest. But... what? I wait. I HATE waiting. I am not a patient person and my imagination in the interim is a terrible force to be reckoned with.
Has he decided I'm going to ask too much of him? He's probably right. We did discuss this in the lead up to him staying the night and it seemed OK but who knows in the light of day how he'll feel. He promised he wouldn't Houdini. ( Just writing this makes me laugh. It's the internet, where promises mean less than nothing. But I believed him.)
It's just that it was so perfect. So perfect. So much chemistry. So much to talk about. And he was so obviously... well whatever. Why does everyone have to have plans, expectations, agendas? Can't you just go with it? I guess one person's going with it can be perceived and something entirely different to another.
I want to believe you, and so I do, just for tonight. Thanks Alison Krauss
You're going to break my heart, dude.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
What number is this? Eight?
D'you know what the problem with dating when you a hundred and two like I am is? Your friends get pretty sick and tried of your rhapsodizing/complaining/sobbing/angsting. Back when you're young and silly and all your friends are young and silly there's a whole host of people willing to play the dating game with you:
- Do you think he's cute?
- OMG he's totally cute and he totally likes you. I can totally tell.
- Do you think so? I thought he liked Jenny.
- No way man. Jenny's totally ancient history. And Matt told Karl who told Suzi who told me that he's totally into you.
- What if he doesn't call me? Should I call him? Should I text him 100x an hour unitl he calls me?
- He'll call you. He was totally into you. But don't call him. It'll make you look like you like him.
etc. etc. etc.
While teenage girls can do this with no apparent limit, grown ups cannot. While they act supportive and willing to listen to your stories, the inner eyerolling is hard to disguise.
So of my epic 12 hour date I have one thing to say: Drywall 1: Wallpaper 0. And that's a good thing :)
- Do you think he's cute?
- OMG he's totally cute and he totally likes you. I can totally tell.
- Do you think so? I thought he liked Jenny.
- No way man. Jenny's totally ancient history. And Matt told Karl who told Suzi who told me that he's totally into you.
- What if he doesn't call me? Should I call him? Should I text him 100x an hour unitl he calls me?
- He'll call you. He was totally into you. But don't call him. It'll make you look like you like him.
etc. etc. etc.
While teenage girls can do this with no apparent limit, grown ups cannot. While they act supportive and willing to listen to your stories, the inner eyerolling is hard to disguise.
So of my epic 12 hour date I have one thing to say: Drywall 1: Wallpaper 0. And that's a good thing :)
Monday, September 13, 2010
Random thoughts
If you are bored, you are boring. Find something to do and stop stalking.
Trust is key - in both yourself and him.
Quid pro quo - watch the numbers and try for balance.
Self esteem. You ARE worth is, so have some trust. If it doesn't work out now, something will eventually. This is not your only hope.
"Needing" is openly reaching out and asking for support from a man in a trusting manner, one that assumes that he will do his best. This empowers him. "Neediness," however, is desperately needing support because you don't trust you will get it. It pushes men away and makes them feel rejected and unappreciated.
Initiating sex is good. Men like to know they're wanted.
It is not dysfunctional to be protective of one's heart, and to refrain from giving someone the keys to your soul until you know they can handle the responsibility.
Trust is key - in both yourself and him.
Quid pro quo - watch the numbers and try for balance.
Self esteem. You ARE worth is, so have some trust. If it doesn't work out now, something will eventually. This is not your only hope.
"Needing" is openly reaching out and asking for support from a man in a trusting manner, one that assumes that he will do his best. This empowers him. "Neediness," however, is desperately needing support because you don't trust you will get it. It pushes men away and makes them feel rejected and unappreciated.
Initiating sex is good. Men like to know they're wanted.
It is not dysfunctional to be protective of one's heart, and to refrain from giving someone the keys to your soul until you know they can handle the responsibility.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
All hats, all the time
I am on a total hat kick. Why? They're fast, compact, you can knit a crazy ass pattern and you only have to do it once... so many reasons.
First was the Koolhaas hat by Jared Flood. This is an awesome pattern and I've been wanting to do it for ages, but the twisted cable stitches was too much for my brain and I didn't really give it a chance. Then I googled "cabling without a cable needle" and tripped across this YouTube video which made it a piece of cake. And I made it out of Sublime Cashmerino Aran which I got at the Purple Purl's inventory sale for the ridiculously low price of $2 a boll. The stuff is gorgeous. (Mental note not to knit anything other than stockinette in black ever again due to my ancient and crappy eyesight. Torture.)
Then I knit Adrian Bazilia's genius hat We Call Them Pirates. The only tough part about this is the fact that the chart is in reverse - the white squares are knit in black and the black are knit in white. Otherwise, simple fairisle and super impressive! (I tried knitting the mittens before but I only knit one. There's a reason I knit my socks two at a a time.) This I made out of Louet Gems sportweight and I remember why I love this yearn so much. Sproingy, well twisted, super soft. And it comes in great colours. I knit the inside band in green just for fun :)
And lastly, another Jared Flood: the Beaumont Beanie (the beanie version in the tam colours, but red and gray, not red and white. I thought the contrast would be better a bit more muted but I may have been wrong.) I'm actually using the yarn called for in the pattern (Classic Elite Fresco), which is a wool/angora blend and sheds bits of fluff up my nose occasionally. I am only a few inches in and still find this rather charming.
This pattern is kicking my ass. In the first two inches or so I've had to rip back three time, the last time all the way to the ribbing. Apparently not only can I not count very well, although I have consistently demonstrated my superiour reading skills I cannot identify that "MC" obviously stands for Main Colour, and that would be the gray, not the red. I tell ya, it made a lot more sense when I figured that out. Riiiiiiiiiip.
Pictures of the last two to follow. My computer is acting like it's a hundred and two and keeps having aneurysms, strokes and other non-productive brain anomalies.
As for my "relationship" I'm currently involved in a battle of wills with myself (yes, another) not to text dude. He's a man and thus a the master of non-communication, but the text balance is falling too heavily on my side so I'm seeing if I can give it a rest, and whether he might pick up the slack. Needless to say I'm not really holding my breath, either for him to do said picking up of the slack, or for me to have the will to resist much longer.
Step off the ledge, my friend, at least for a few days. Auntie Flo is standing right behind you ready to give you a big push.
First was the Koolhaas hat by Jared Flood. This is an awesome pattern and I've been wanting to do it for ages, but the twisted cable stitches was too much for my brain and I didn't really give it a chance. Then I googled "cabling without a cable needle" and tripped across this YouTube video which made it a piece of cake. And I made it out of Sublime Cashmerino Aran which I got at the Purple Purl's inventory sale for the ridiculously low price of $2 a boll. The stuff is gorgeous. (Mental note not to knit anything other than stockinette in black ever again due to my ancient and crappy eyesight. Torture.)
Then I knit Adrian Bazilia's genius hat We Call Them Pirates. The only tough part about this is the fact that the chart is in reverse - the white squares are knit in black and the black are knit in white. Otherwise, simple fairisle and super impressive! (I tried knitting the mittens before but I only knit one. There's a reason I knit my socks two at a a time.) This I made out of Louet Gems sportweight and I remember why I love this yearn so much. Sproingy, well twisted, super soft. And it comes in great colours. I knit the inside band in green just for fun :)
And lastly, another Jared Flood: the Beaumont Beanie (the beanie version in the tam colours, but red and gray, not red and white. I thought the contrast would be better a bit more muted but I may have been wrong.) I'm actually using the yarn called for in the pattern (Classic Elite Fresco), which is a wool/angora blend and sheds bits of fluff up my nose occasionally. I am only a few inches in and still find this rather charming.
This pattern is kicking my ass. In the first two inches or so I've had to rip back three time, the last time all the way to the ribbing. Apparently not only can I not count very well, although I have consistently demonstrated my superiour reading skills I cannot identify that "MC" obviously stands for Main Colour, and that would be the gray, not the red. I tell ya, it made a lot more sense when I figured that out. Riiiiiiiiiip.
Pictures of the last two to follow. My computer is acting like it's a hundred and two and keeps having aneurysms, strokes and other non-productive brain anomalies.
As for my "relationship" I'm currently involved in a battle of wills with myself (yes, another) not to text dude. He's a man and thus a the master of non-communication, but the text balance is falling too heavily on my side so I'm seeing if I can give it a rest, and whether he might pick up the slack. Needless to say I'm not really holding my breath, either for him to do said picking up of the slack, or for me to have the will to resist much longer.
Step off the ledge, my friend, at least for a few days. Auntie Flo is standing right behind you ready to give you a big push.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Yes, Barb - you were right.
I admit it - I'm weak. I emailed. No response. A week of regret. Moron indeed.
I hope I don't turn to food for comfort. Still, the sick feeling in my stomach when I think about it should hold me off for a while.
I hope I don't turn to food for comfort. Still, the sick feeling in my stomach when I think about it should hold me off for a while.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Resistance is futile
I have a communication problem. I have no life so when I meet someone interesting, all I want to do is talk. However, I have been very very good. I have not had any communication with my dude since Tuesday night. It's killing me, but I'm resisting. Part of me thinks he will think I'm not interested, but the majority of me screams BACK OFF! So I am listening. For now.
As for the zen buddhist minimalistic vegetarianism, that's actually going pretty well. I made a discovery today, though. Monday through Wednesday I have been eating a pretty normal lunch and next to no dinner. That seems to have been working well. Today I deviated from the plan and had half a salad - a veggie only salad - for lunch. By dinner time I felt extremely weird, and somewhat less than patient. So I think the key here would be to have a decent lunch including some PROTEIN and as little as I like for dinner. Hell, I just sleep at night.
Or not. I also seem to have developed zen buddhist insomnia, which sucks the hairy one. My eye was twitching so badly today it was like being in an electrical storm. I finally cranked up the AC and that seemed to help, so hopefully that'll work tonight too.
And I'm doing Alberto VO5 Hot Oil Treatment as we speak! How long has it been since you've seen that? My hair is a hideous dried out crispy gross mess, so maybe it will help. I don't recall it working before, but who knows?
Some fucker stole Calvin's bike today. Totally unsurprising as it's a cool bike and we left it unlocked. I can't even work up much anger, just a bit of frustration and some relief to get rid of one bike. I do feel bad for Calvin, though. He loved that bike.
Just one more day until I can blow this town again. Then the urge to email will be a mute* point.
* for those that think I'm dumb as a plank it's a joke.
As for the zen buddhist minimalistic vegetarianism, that's actually going pretty well. I made a discovery today, though. Monday through Wednesday I have been eating a pretty normal lunch and next to no dinner. That seems to have been working well. Today I deviated from the plan and had half a salad - a veggie only salad - for lunch. By dinner time I felt extremely weird, and somewhat less than patient. So I think the key here would be to have a decent lunch including some PROTEIN and as little as I like for dinner. Hell, I just sleep at night.
Or not. I also seem to have developed zen buddhist insomnia, which sucks the hairy one. My eye was twitching so badly today it was like being in an electrical storm. I finally cranked up the AC and that seemed to help, so hopefully that'll work tonight too.
And I'm doing Alberto VO5 Hot Oil Treatment as we speak! How long has it been since you've seen that? My hair is a hideous dried out crispy gross mess, so maybe it will help. I don't recall it working before, but who knows?
Some fucker stole Calvin's bike today. Totally unsurprising as it's a cool bike and we left it unlocked. I can't even work up much anger, just a bit of frustration and some relief to get rid of one bike. I do feel bad for Calvin, though. He loved that bike.
Just one more day until I can blow this town again. Then the urge to email will be a mute* point.
* for those that think I'm dumb as a plank it's a joke.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Don't need no drama. No, don't need no drama
Sorry kids, no relationship drama for today. A couple of happy email convo's in which, yes, I did have to explain and justify the spelling of my name which is such a PITA but necessary, I suppose. Dude seems so NORMAL. Not overly needy, not evasive, just interested and normal. Go figure.
I would like to go on record as saying I will NOT disappear. At least not for long :) Given the choice I will take the opportunity to engage in as much male-female activity as I can, but not to the exclusion of my friends. Yes, I know I have precisely 52 hours of spare time per two week period (including sleeping, which can be sacrificed in certain situations). But with the implementation of the New and Improved Child-Custody AgreementTM , set to be implemented in August, I should have acres more time! (Or at least a few more evenings.) That should help.
____________________________________________________________
Sounds like my bro has decided to jump ship. Fucker. As I told my sister:
And for those of you that are worried that my zen buddhist vegetarian minimalistic philosophy is sending me off the deep end.. It's a JOKE, people. I just need something to call my sex instead of food philosophy which is more socially acceptable. I can't remember to be a vegetarian. Plus, what's wrong with exploring options? I might be at the top of a mountain meditating next year instead of slogging away at a job that bores me to tears. Would that be bad? You can knit on a mountain top.
I would like to go on record as saying I will NOT disappear. At least not for long :) Given the choice I will take the opportunity to engage in as much male-female activity as I can, but not to the exclusion of my friends. Yes, I know I have precisely 52 hours of spare time per two week period (including sleeping, which can be sacrificed in certain situations). But with the implementation of the New and Improved Child-Custody AgreementTM , set to be implemented in August, I should have acres more time! (Or at least a few more evenings.) That should help.
____________________________________________________________
Sounds like my bro has decided to jump ship. Fucker. As I told my sister:
Also - your deadbeat motherfucker of a brother seems to think it would be a good idea to leave his wife and children of 18 years and shack up with a ex-heroin addict, ex-prostitute white trash bluegrass whore. Colour me disgusted. He wants to be "happy" and being stoned and drunk all the time while playing stupid bluegrass music and fucking this tramp seems to make him happy. Fat tramp, too. Grow up, you irresponsible little twat. What is WRONG with men? Sure, leave you wife, I'm all about embracing the change, but man up and do it properly, not waffling around and screwing up everyone's lives while moaning about being unhappy._______________________________________________________________
Feh. I'm so pissed off and mom could happily kill him (which is refreshing)
And for those of you that are worried that my zen buddhist vegetarian minimalistic philosophy is sending me off the deep end.. It's a JOKE, people. I just need something to call my sex instead of food philosophy which is more socially acceptable. I can't remember to be a vegetarian. Plus, what's wrong with exploring options? I might be at the top of a mountain meditating next year instead of slogging away at a job that bores me to tears. Would that be bad? You can knit on a mountain top.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Pop pop, fizz fizz...
Oh, the relief!
I sent him a PoF email spelling out the potential situation on Thursday. I also put in some blurb about me not emailing him too much and should I email or text or call or what. Typical me stupidness.
Really, why don't more people treat me like the dolt I am? I have to C&P this because I want to remember forever that there are some OK people in the world full of psycho, dysfunctional and just plain weird folk.
Frankly I was terrified to open his message. Have I not learned that if you send a message that you're scared to get a reply back from, you shouldn't send it at all? Right? Please channel the Fairycakes "I committed career suicide" email next time you have any doubts, sweetheart.
Anyway...
But now I'll have to fess up as to how I spell my name...
I sent him a PoF email spelling out the potential situation on Thursday. I also put in some blurb about me not emailing him too much and should I email or text or call or what. Typical me stupidness.
Really, why don't more people treat me like the dolt I am? I have to C&P this because I want to remember forever that there are some OK people in the world full of psycho, dysfunctional and just plain weird folk.
Frankly I was terrified to open his message. Have I not learned that if you send a message that you're scared to get a reply back from, you shouldn't send it at all? Right? Please channel the Fairycakes "I committed career suicide" email next time you have any doubts, sweetheart.
Anyway...
That sounds nice... But I'm actually working in Kitchener from tomorrow to next Tuesday. I don't usually get home till 10:00 or 10:30. ... you can email me at metrosexual@provider.com if you prefer. :)Always the smileys. It makes me happy. And the consistency. I knew he was working and he said he was working. How refreshing. (yeah, I made up the email addy - whadda ya want? to tell him he's being blogged??)
But now I'll have to fess up as to how I spell my name...
Vegetarian Zen Buddhist monk angst
Now the handwringing begins.
My mom is picking the kids up for me Thursday evening. Should I get her to stay and ask dude if he wants to meet up? If so, for what? A quicky? - so shabby. Coffee/drink? - better, but he might find that totally pointless. But if he finds that pointless are we in a bang-only relationship all of a sudden? Aren’t I trying to avoid that? And more to the point, what if he says no? What if he makes plausible excuses but says no? Do I write him off? I am pretty done with the excuses but you have to cut people some slack, don’t you?
Feh.
I have done the contacting up until now. He has responded so far, promptly and appropriate enthusiasm, so I think that’s OK. At what point do I step back and wait for him to make a move? Never? Once I start, does that set the precedent for ever on, so if I stop contacting him it’s me saying I’m not interested? Am I totally overanalyzing this? (rhetorical question). I *want* to step back and let him make the next move but I’m worried he won’t (which sounds even stupider out loud than in my head).
Why am I so dumb? If I were giving the advice, what would I say? I'd say call him and just fucking ASK. Pussy.
________________________________________________________________________
The vegetarian zen buddhist monk lifestyle seems to be working for me, except I keep forgetting the vegetarian part. And the buddhist. But I am embracing the zen.
Q. Where to vegetarian zen buddhist monks go to have a big dump?
A. They don't - the don't ever eat enough to ever have a big dump.
My mom is picking the kids up for me Thursday evening. Should I get her to stay and ask dude if he wants to meet up? If so, for what? A quicky? - so shabby. Coffee/drink? - better, but he might find that totally pointless. But if he finds that pointless are we in a bang-only relationship all of a sudden? Aren’t I trying to avoid that? And more to the point, what if he says no? What if he makes plausible excuses but says no? Do I write him off? I am pretty done with the excuses but you have to cut people some slack, don’t you?
Feh.
I have done the contacting up until now. He has responded so far, promptly and appropriate enthusiasm, so I think that’s OK. At what point do I step back and wait for him to make a move? Never? Once I start, does that set the precedent for ever on, so if I stop contacting him it’s me saying I’m not interested? Am I totally overanalyzing this? (rhetorical question). I *want* to step back and let him make the next move but I’m worried he won’t (which sounds even stupider out loud than in my head).
Why am I so dumb? If I were giving the advice, what would I say? I'd say call him and just fucking ASK. Pussy.
________________________________________________________________________
The vegetarian zen buddhist monk lifestyle seems to be working for me, except I keep forgetting the vegetarian part. And the buddhist. But I am embracing the zen.
Q. Where to vegetarian zen buddhist monks go to have a big dump?
A. They don't - the don't ever eat enough to ever have a big dump.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Hope sends you emails
I'm not the kind of person who can wait passively to see what the outcome of the other night's adventure is. I need to know the interest level before I work myself into a lather. So I sent Smokey an email just saying I had a good time etc. etc., and he replied in kind! Again, not being one to be happy with that minor success, I then went way out on a limb and said while I was busy for the next two weeks, maybe we could do something in two weeks.
Well, much to my surprise, he said...
No, I'm more realistic than that. It's never going to be a move-in-and-live-happily-ever-after thing, but who knows what it *will* be. I'll take another kick at that can as a beginning (if it even materializes) and see how it goes from there. If it does happen again, maybe we could have some sort of low-key "discussion". Just because I'm that sort of gal :)
Oh, and he texted me back too, even if he was mocking my ancient texterater. I like to cover all my tech bases.
Well, much to my surprise, he said...
I should be around :) let's talk as it gets closer :)And the smileys are his. I think I'm in love.
No, I'm more realistic than that. It's never going to be a move-in-and-live-happily-ever-after thing, but who knows what it *will* be. I'll take another kick at that can as a beginning (if it even materializes) and see how it goes from there. If it does happen again, maybe we could have some sort of low-key "discussion". Just because I'm that sort of gal :)
Oh, and he texted me back too, even if he was mocking my ancient texterater. I like to cover all my tech bases.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Vacation update!
Ah, July. And what a July. Hot humid and disgusting - in the city, at least. Fortunately the kids escaped the first week of July and I followed last week, giving them a glorious two weeks up at the cottage. I did not, not once, hear them say "I want to go home". Oh joy.
I give you a pictoral summary of the week.
Serenity... briefly.
This was more like the norm:
Guess what we watched on the rainy day?
This was moments before Jade's near-death experience, where her hair got tangled on the bottom rung of the ladder, holding her head under the water. Longest minute of my life, and I shook for an hour. All's well that ends well, though.
My most favourite niece EVER. I adore this girl.
There was lots of this... better than tv.
Looks so peaceful, doesn't it? While just steps away chaos reigns.
_________________________________________________________________
Minor dating update: Talked to someone last week - let's call him Jim - who seemed nice and normal and not too good to be true. Came back from vacation and he'd deleted his profile. WTF? In a knee jerk reaction, I then decided to go out with someone who emailed me that very day - I never do that. WTF? So he's a smoker - that can't be any worse than any of the flaws in the other freaks. We'll call him Smokey.
Turns out, we met for drinks at 7:30 and I rolled home at 11:30... the next morning. Had to do the walk of shame, my friends. Beer, music, young male musician friends, VERY hot little body, metrosexual apartment. I would DIE to live there. I'll let you use you imaginations as to what transpired, but it was good. Smokey's a pretty nice guy as well as being a hotty.
Breakfast in the morning and we left it totally up in the air so I will probably never hear from him again. Too bad, he was pretty interesting and ashtrays don't taste too bad when you're drunk.
I give you a pictoral summary of the week.
Serenity... briefly.
This was more like the norm:
Guess what we watched on the rainy day?
This was moments before Jade's near-death experience, where her hair got tangled on the bottom rung of the ladder, holding her head under the water. Longest minute of my life, and I shook for an hour. All's well that ends well, though.
My most favourite niece EVER. I adore this girl.
There was lots of this... better than tv.
Looks so peaceful, doesn't it? While just steps away chaos reigns.
_________________________________________________________________
Minor dating update: Talked to someone last week - let's call him Jim - who seemed nice and normal and not too good to be true. Came back from vacation and he'd deleted his profile. WTF? In a knee jerk reaction, I then decided to go out with someone who emailed me that very day - I never do that. WTF? So he's a smoker - that can't be any worse than any of the flaws in the other freaks. We'll call him Smokey.
Turns out, we met for drinks at 7:30 and I rolled home at 11:30... the next morning. Had to do the walk of shame, my friends. Beer, music, young male musician friends, VERY hot little body, metrosexual apartment. I would DIE to live there. I'll let you use you imaginations as to what transpired, but it was good. Smokey's a pretty nice guy as well as being a hotty.
Breakfast in the morning and we left it totally up in the air so I will probably never hear from him again. Too bad, he was pretty interesting and ashtrays don't taste too bad when you're drunk.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Of moths and miscreants
When Miko's car finally gave up the ghost, she bequeathed it to her mechanic for the low low sum of zero dollars. The only thing she walked away with was her roof rack. One might wonder at the wisdom of her selection seeing as she no longer owned a car, but hey. Hope springs eternal.
One of the less than lovely qualities of that roof rack was that it was slightly too large for her compact car. In fact, slightly too large for any compact car and, I suspect, many midsize vehicles. The ends of the bars protuded menacingly from the sides of the car. There were more than a few victims of the head bashing implements, despite her tendency to scream: "watch your head!" when anyone exited the car. As a result, a few of us got together and knit her some roof rack cozies for the ends of the bars, the purpose of which was to make them more visible and possibly to cushion the blow when it met its mark. (Anyone familiar with the installation of roof racks knows they are located in the opening of the doors - right where you head enters and exits at maximum velocity.)
Anyway, now that my kids are bigger and I no longer need to pack the entire contents of the house, I decided this year not to rent a minivan for the pilgrimage to the cottage and rather put my roof carrier on my car - for which I need a roof rack. Since Miko no longer needs hers, she let me borrow it. I got it half installed, only to discover one bar is missing the bits that actually attach it to the car. (We shall not discuss how long I stood in the driveway fiddling and contemplating before I came to this realization.) So since I couldnit put the other bar on, I decided to tidy up the cozies.
These cosies are NASTY. Before the car died they were at the mercy of the elements for a good while. Since then, they have been sitting in her basement for...at least a year, I think. The cozies are made of wool. I could explain, but I give you a visual instead:
On a technical note, I was interested (but unsurprised) to see the blue and pink - both kool-aid dyed, had faded significantly, where the purple, dyed with acid dyes, was almost unaffected. The moths liked the purple one best. The pink is Paton's merino, the blue is chunky BFL and the purple is.... I don't know. Maybe BFL? Maybe corridale? Can't remember.
________________________________________________________
And just for entertainment purposes...
I was supposed to meet the mushy hotel dude at noon on Saturday for a drink. Just before, I check and I see he's online. Now he lives at the border between Toronto and Mississauga, so I knew something was not right. I emailed him to ask if we were still on and if so did he plan on teleporting there, and he says "24 hours and counting". Yep, dude said he got the day wrong and thought it was on Sunday. Deeply apologetic, blah blah blah.
Fast forward to this morning, I check my email and he suddenly has to go out of town on business and can't meet up. Deeply apologetic, blah blah blah.
Sound familiar? Sigh.
One of the less than lovely qualities of that roof rack was that it was slightly too large for her compact car. In fact, slightly too large for any compact car and, I suspect, many midsize vehicles. The ends of the bars protuded menacingly from the sides of the car. There were more than a few victims of the head bashing implements, despite her tendency to scream: "watch your head!" when anyone exited the car. As a result, a few of us got together and knit her some roof rack cozies for the ends of the bars, the purpose of which was to make them more visible and possibly to cushion the blow when it met its mark. (Anyone familiar with the installation of roof racks knows they are located in the opening of the doors - right where you head enters and exits at maximum velocity.)
Anyway, now that my kids are bigger and I no longer need to pack the entire contents of the house, I decided this year not to rent a minivan for the pilgrimage to the cottage and rather put my roof carrier on my car - for which I need a roof rack. Since Miko no longer needs hers, she let me borrow it. I got it half installed, only to discover one bar is missing the bits that actually attach it to the car. (We shall not discuss how long I stood in the driveway fiddling and contemplating before I came to this realization.) So since I couldnit put the other bar on, I decided to tidy up the cozies.
These cosies are NASTY. Before the car died they were at the mercy of the elements for a good while. Since then, they have been sitting in her basement for...at least a year, I think. The cozies are made of wool. I could explain, but I give you a visual instead:
On a technical note, I was interested (but unsurprised) to see the blue and pink - both kool-aid dyed, had faded significantly, where the purple, dyed with acid dyes, was almost unaffected. The moths liked the purple one best. The pink is Paton's merino, the blue is chunky BFL and the purple is.... I don't know. Maybe BFL? Maybe corridale? Can't remember.
________________________________________________________
And just for entertainment purposes...
I was supposed to meet the mushy hotel dude at noon on Saturday for a drink. Just before, I check and I see he's online. Now he lives at the border between Toronto and Mississauga, so I knew something was not right. I emailed him to ask if we were still on and if so did he plan on teleporting there, and he says "24 hours and counting". Yep, dude said he got the day wrong and thought it was on Sunday. Deeply apologetic, blah blah blah.
Fast forward to this morning, I check my email and he suddenly has to go out of town on business and can't meet up. Deeply apologetic, blah blah blah.
Sound familiar? Sigh.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Dudes
Over lunch today we decided that, unscientifically statistically speaking, internet dating has to pay off at *some* point. Not everyone can big a loser or have some fatal flaw. We decided the magic number is 10. In 10 dates there's got to be someone who is reasonably attractive, has a job and a place to live and their own teeth, and no intolerable personal habits or mannerisms.
10 seems a bit low to me, but we shall see. So far we have had:
And don’t forget Earl the helicopter dude. He seems interested and is back from "Croatia", whatever that is code for, on Sunday. His pics are hard to judge but he seems to have a bulgy eye issue in one of them. Something weird is going on anyway. I fancy him as being like Fairycakes in my mind, but I think I will be grossly disappointed by the reality of the situation. He'd be 5 if it pans out. Half way.
Volume, my friends, volume. If nothing else I'll be able to write a dating book by the end.
10 seems a bit low to me, but we shall see. So far we have had:
- Frisbee. He was socially acceptable, except for the spandex shorts, basically attractive though his upper lip was not too my taste. And a bit presumptuous - "that kiss (little, lame, quick) must have got your heart pounding". Surprise, yes. Passion, no.
- Flicky. The post office dude with the spittle. Flicky because of his weird habit of flicking the very fleshy and separate lobes of his ear. Ew.
- Toothy. Last night's dude, who decided he didn't want a relationship but rather just dating (AKA sex) and talked about how his ex never put out all night. Plus, when he discovered I drove to our "date" said he wanted to go… parking. Yes, parking, like park somewhere and make out. Ummm… no. He was too eager and basically unemployed and lived on someone's floor and laughed to hard and showed his teeth too much. If they were nice teeth, sure, but they were splayed out like someone had sat on his head when he was a child. Yuck. I have a tooth thing.
And don’t forget Earl the helicopter dude. He seems interested and is back from "Croatia", whatever that is code for, on Sunday. His pics are hard to judge but he seems to have a bulgy eye issue in one of them. Something weird is going on anyway. I fancy him as being like Fairycakes in my mind, but I think I will be grossly disappointed by the reality of the situation. He'd be 5 if it pans out. Half way.
Volume, my friends, volume. If nothing else I'll be able to write a dating book by the end.
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