Birthday follow-up

It is with great sadness that I report that my ENTIRE family, with the exception of my sister in Texas, who is addicted to Facebook and probably got a reminder, forgot my birthday. I know where I fall in the pecking order.

I would like to thank my friends at work, who never seem to forget. Also - my neighbours for making me dinner, including cupcakes, and buying me beautiful tulips. I love you, man.

Birthdays

When you're a kid, your birthday is the epitome of self-indulgence. It's all about you. Princess for a day. God help you if your birthday falls in the summer or during Christmas because then your friends can't fuss over you at school! (Let's ignore the fact that my little brother managed to be sick and ruin virtually every single one of my birthday parties from the age of 6 to 10 - at least it felt that way, it was probably only twice.)

When I was young, independent and living away from home, it was pretty much guaranteed that there would be copious drinking involved. Nothing says happy birthday like a solppy drink. At the very minimum I had a couple of roommates to wish me happy birthday with the utmost sincerity. Even my family usually came through for me eventually with some cash and a phone call.

Then, once I was happily domesticated, I could count on presents, cake and drinks on the day from my significant other. OK, maybe the presents didn't quite hit the mark, but the thought was there and I didn't have to buy them. There was an element of surprise, and predictability.

Being old and single is... interesting. You have friends, of course, but they don't live with you and generally have their own lives. My family usually forgets, even my mom, until late in the day. My kids are so oblivious they wouldn't even notice if we don't have cake, I think, and they LOVE having cake. One of the perils of single-parenthood is they don’t have anyone constantly reminding them about mommy's birthday, and going off to buy presents, etc. Whatever. It's not like presents make it more special and one can hope that as they get older they might actually remember…

The presents are the great part. Chosen by me for me. Don't get me wrong - I love a surprise present, but the ability to choose exactly what you want for your birthday, to buy something you've been lusting after for a while, is awesome. You get JUST what you want, not your subtle hint filtered though someone else's brain. Yeeeeeeeeeeee ha.

All I wanted for my birthday was a great pair of shoes and two sloppy kisses. Mission accomplished.

I'll take this as a message

I bought a new machine. It is fabulous. Besides the fact that it needs new sponge bars and smells a tiny bit like smoke, I think it will be great!

As well as all the regular stuff, it came with a box of magazines - 1980's, quite amusing - and a huge pile of punchcards. Some 12 stitch (which I should sell as I hear they're hard to come by and I don't have a 12 stitch machine) some Toyota, some Singer (most of which I have but there's some blanks!) and of course, a pile of Brother ones, another punch, another copy of the knitting course I got with my Singer (which is an excellent resource), and ANOTHER ball winder (now I have three). The punch and book I'll probably give to Miko but you can't seem to give away a ball winder for love ror money, go figure.

Brother knitleader? HUGE. The Studio knit radar is about 6" across; this thing is about 2 FEET across.
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There's a new organic burger place near me and we got takeout from there last night. Evidently, eating nothing but donuts all day followed by a huge burger and 1/3 of a poutine is a recipe for GI distress. After a few hours trying to sleep, I gave up and exorcised myself of that demon. Unusual for me. Maybe I'll get the skinny sickies again. One can dream.
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Mine:



Wow - this is probably the most money I've spent in one day since... I bought my car? Thanks, Revenue Canada!

Jacquard for all

I got a YC2 double bed yarn changer a while ago and couldn't think of a use for it. In fact I didn't even try it. Everything I read lead me to believe it was obsolete and essentially useless. Then I ran across a YouTube video of someone using it, or trying to, or something. I can't really remember and I couldn't find it again when I started to look. Anyway, I looked up some stuff on double bed jacquard and it seemed like a totally cool thing to do with a knitting machine, even with my yarn changer.

I hooked up the yarn changer last week and it seemed to work fine. Damn naysayers.

Unfortunately there is hardly any info on the web about DBJ. I thought about it for days, spending countless meetings doodling and trying to figure it out. While I eventually grasped the basic concept of how it worked, when someone recommended the book Jacquard for All, by Wendy Damon, I snapped it up and it was money well spent, my friends. It not only deciphers what's happening, it tells how to punch the cards properly, and even more revolutionary, how to do single stripe backing and even solid backing!

Inspired by the cover of the book and several swatches, I set out to chart the interlocking circles pattern. We shall not discuss how long this took and where I did it. And while a normal person starts with something simple to master the technique without driving themselves batty, no - not I. Jump in with both feet. (Also, I only have two punch cards left so I wanted to make the most of them.)

Anyway I charted the pattern onto graph paper (the centre block is the graph, the rest are just copies to make sure it lines up)

Then drew it onto the punchcard

Then I tried it. While I followed the directions pretty carefully, I got stripes on both sides the first two times. Eventually I clued in that I might have started the pattern on the wrond row, and sure enough, I backed the punch card up a row and the next time, tada! Not perfection in any charting sense, but it worked! (Squint a bit and it looks better.)

Colour me pleased.

I might be buying a new machine. Maybe. One I REALLY need.

Self-employed is the new buzzword

Ah spring. The turtles are out at Riverdale farm


As are the monkeys



Spring also seems to have brought out the critters from the online dating woodwork. The new code word for the day is "self-employed". By throwing this out, you no longer have to make a commitment until the last moment, keeping your options open. God forbid you set up a date with Suzy and then along comes Cindy, who seems much hotter and easier. This saves you the akwardness of cancelling with loser Suzy to bone Cindy. Brilliant! Add this to "average" as a classic.

CrustyRUs

Lazy Saturday

It's true, alcohol is the root of all evil. At the least, serious procrastination. Fortunately this particular indiscretion was cured by a diet coke, a pot of coffee, two tylenol and a lot of sleep.

Despite this handicap, I have positive things to report:

I did my taxes! I am legendary for completing all of it except one tiny step, then waiting MONTHS to finally finish. This time it was only weeks. Nothing like the promise of a pile of filthy lucre, direct from the government, to make one complete it.

A sent my camera in to be fixed! After years of nagging my children to put the wrist strap on before they started using it, especially over water and sand, I managed never to have a serious incident with my old camera. The new one? *I* dropped it, lens open, into the sand. Einstein. But I took it to the fabulous Sun Camera for repair and they anticipate it will be done on Tues. That's efficiency for you. (I haven't got the hang of this one yet - my pics tend to be blurry and the colour is weird. I hope I find the other one. I hope I start looking soon.)

I ripped out the gigantico arms of my cable swing cardi and they are progressing much faster now that they are 3" narrower. That's some effed up sizing. I rechecked the back and it seems to be fine so hopefully I'll find a way to merge the sleeves with the armholes with about a seven-size difference in stitch count. It hurts my head to think about so I'm ignoring it for now.

I've knit both the toys in the KBOY - the octopus/squid twice. No pictures since they are still on my defunct camera.

Jack is five, Calvin is big enough to be physically helpful, sassiness seems to be abating (am I jinxing myself or what?) and all is right with the world. I'm still fat though. Some things are a constant in my life. What - coffee and Nutella taost isn't a healthy breakfast? Not even *part* of a healthy breakfast? I'm shocked.

I'm contemplating the logistics of buying actual BOLTS of fabric. Maybe I should get on with the attic.

ABC of peeves

A is for Assholes who run around on their partners
B is for Bell Canada - how do I hate thee?
C is for Cunts - you know who you are
D is for Deadbeat dads everywhere
E is for Expectations which are unreasonable
F is for Fat - why does anyone care?
G is for Girls who let themselves be doormats
H is for Heathers everywhere
I is for Idiots - stay away from me
J is for Jilted, well related to A
K is for Karma, one can only hope it gets those who deserve it - I can't tell
L is for Lavalife, scummy and vile
M is for Manners, where have they gone?
N is for Nanny-nastiness - treat her well or you'll pay!
O is for Obnoxious people
P is for Patience. I have none
Q is just Q
R is for Rage. I have too much.
S is for Slippery, Slimy, Scuzzy steve.
T is for Tit
U is for Unfortunate incidents everywhere.
V is for Violence
W is for Wimp. Grow a spine
X is for Xs. Just go away.
Y is for Yellow, colour of barf.
Z is for Zed, not Zee.

Steps towards craziness

Yes, that's a knitting machine. Not just in my bedroom, but attached to the bed. And a cat.
It's official: I have no life.

Clean sweep

It's January 31st and I am preparing to usher in the new Knitter's Book of Yarn (KBOY) Year of Knitting. I would like to say I have cleaned house, organized my stash, completed all my outstanding FO's and picked all the yarn for my projects but that is too much like organization for me. Some things have happened coincidentally, so we will say they are in response to my bold knitting plan:

One night I was so tired I took 1/2 a Percocet night to put me in my happy place and ensure a good nights sleep. I wanted the warm fuzzy feeling but it didn't happen! I was most disappointed. I guess, like most bad relationships, I was in love with the idea of Percocet, rather that the reality. Hit the road, Jack, and don't you come back until my next serious injury.

I've swept my colon. Our house was ravaged with the tsunami of stomach flu - we all had it. Eight hours of purging from both ends x three people. It was a full upper body workout and I lost a few full days of sleep. Oh well - it's over and we all survived and my pants fit better. I'd like to say I'm taking advantage of the kick-start to drop a few pounds, but my bad habits are already creeping back. Oh, and I broke my favourite glasses. It was my own fault and I wasn't even cross at the time but I am very sad. Bring on the laser eye surgery. Oh, except I had to cancel my appointment due to the barfies... feh.

Organized my Ravelry queue! (Man, I could give them some pointers about drag and drop, but I ain't no IT professional). All the KBOY projects are at the top and in their own queue. First project: the Diamond and Pearls Shawl. That should be amusing.

Also - I watched Start Wars ( I don't have a clue which one - the prequel) and I LOVED it. I thought they did such a good job of introducing all the characters and most of them were damn perfect. Leonard Nimoy looks like he might be dead and embalmed already, but he made an appearance.

Let the madness begin!

Rage against the machine

I am officially on the mend! See all that fuzzy bone? Doesn't it look strong enough to lift plywood?

I have spent a few evenings now trying to MacGyver a new sponge bar for my SK120 bulky knitter and ribber. Very trying. When I first got the machine I set it up and couldn't get it to knit worth beans. Well, to tell the truth I can't actually remember the knitting, but I know the ribbing didn't work. So I stuffed it back in it's box and left it alone for a while.

Fast forward a few months and I am itching to get this working. I pulled it out again and removed the sponge bar from the ribber. I figured if I totally effed that one up at least I could still use the knitter. I took out what was there as sponge - a piece of felt folded in half and wedged in with a piece of yarn - and contemplated my options.

First I tried weatherstripping. I cut it a bit wide and I couldn't for the life of me wedge it in to the narrow and deep channel (5 x 10 mm). I got some round weather stripping, thinking I could sew a case for it and pull it through the channel. HA. In theory it was a brilliant idea but in reality I couldn't get it more than an inch into the bed.

Finally, today I cut a narrower strip of weatherstripping and jammed it in with a bunch of kiddy glue (for easy removal when it totally doesn't work). I glued a pretty piece of ribbon on top and now I am too scared to put it in my ribber. I am fairly sure it will be a disaster. To complicate things, I managed to bend the sponge bar into a most interesting shape in my manipulations - it sort of curves and bends in several different planes so that should complicate the reinstallation. I shall save that joy for tomorrow.

(See the wine? That's an important supply for this job.)

Anyway, while that mess was drying I set up the knitter, gave it some Balistol and it knitted pretty much like a charm. I am optimistic about that, but in the process of setup I did find a picture of the original retaining bar - it had about as much padding as the metal on the bar (e.g. 10 mm) so long-term, I don't think the 2mm of fluff left on the knitter sponge bar is going to cut it. Ah well, at it's worst it performs better than the awful Bond so for that I am grateful. I hatz me some Bond.

I leave you with some lovely pictures. I have developed a small felting addiction:


Above, slippers before. Or should I say "galoshes"?
Below, the Magic Washer. Very cool, very effective.



Below - finished mary-janes. Knitpicks pattern which is easy as pie but could use some tweaking. They're too wide even for my bricks.

Above - felted Galway hat with made-up pattern. Lurve it, but could use some tweaking.
Below, Lamb's Pride bulky hat with flat top and turned up brim - at least that's the plan. Obviously still unfelted.



God, I'm so beautiful I almost can't stand it.

Back on track

Well, blogging has been pretty sporadic lately, but I have a plan. Inspired by the fabulous Miko and Julie and Julia, (the book, not the movie) we are going to knit our way through a book. In our infinite wisdom we have chosen The Knitter's Book of Yarn.

The first pattern in this book is a cabled tea cosy which I have , on 2 separate occasions, tried to knit with no success. I think that may be an inauspicious start, but WTF. Go big or go home. Also - there is lace in this book. Danger, Will Robinson!

I don't know why I think this will improve my blogging. Perhaps avoiding knitting will increase my output. I have no deep philosophical reasons to do this. I just think it might be fun, and definitely a challenge. I think Feb 1 is the start date, and I plan to knit as much of this as I can from my stash. Especially the poo-cle, mohair, and anything in pink.

One Book. Forty patterns. One serious lapse in judgment.

my mastercard moment

Number of times i thought about jumping to my doom: 2
Number of times i should have thought about it: at least 3
Speed at which a hefty body falls to the ground: amazingly fast and involves math i am incapable of while medicated
Force at which upper arm hits crossbar on the way down: unspeakable
Number of thought that went through my mind in the execution of this fall: 2
Number of attempts required to repair shattered arm: 2
Place i arrived when i woke up from the second attempt: heaven
Number of staples required for said repair: 25 (i think)

Number of people dependent on me: 2

My social safety net: priceless

Hindsight: 20:20

Just because...

Today warrants a blog post, fueled by hormones and people's general stupidity.

Just because I'm a knitter it doesn't mean I'm old. I just am old. Ditto on being a dork.

Just because I'm a knitter it doesn't mean I'm going to be ultra patient waiting 6 months for you to ship me something. I pay for it, I want it.

Just because I'm a knitter it doesn't mean I'm willing to knit acrylic crap for the love of it.

Just because I'm a knitter it doesn't mean I'm going to knit you stuff.

Just because I'm a knitter it doesn't mean I'm psychic and can divine what was in the mind of the arithmetically-challenged crack whore who wrote that pattern, abusing cut and paste like it was crystal meth.

Just because I'm a knitter it doesn't mean you can not return my phone calls about said acrylic piece of crap and it's delusional pattern.

Just because I'm a knitter it doesn't mean I have lots of free time.

Just because I'm a knitter it doesn't mean I'm patient.

Just because I'm a knitter and you're a knitter it doesn't mean that we have to like each other.

Just because I'm a knitter it doesn't mean I have to love everything I knit.

Just because I'm a knitter it doesn't mean I have to look good in the things I knit.

Just because I'm a knitter it doesn't mean I have to want to knit all the time. I sew too, you know.

Now back to our regularly scheduled radio silence.

What is going on on the shelves while you're not watching?

I'm sorry, but should animal crackers really be doing this? Where are the chaperones?

You bin a long time gone

Doing fun things.



I'll try to do better.

Car of a thousand clowns

My little Toyota Echo is like one of those VW Beetles that expels a thousand clowns, much to the amazement of the onlookers. I went to an auction tonight and impulse-bought a drop leaf table for my kitchen. Of course, my friends with big cars were not there so I had to figure out a way to get it in my car. And I did. It's like magic. I think the table is bigger than my entire car but it fits inside. Go figure.

BTW, I am a chickenshit. The little log ride at Ontario Place scared the crap out of me. And I almost wet myself on the water slide. Seriously - those are for kids??? I swear we hit 60 km/hour down the water slide, in the pitch dark, and the G-force was extreme. Not for the faint of heart and their four year old son.

Work in progress

All sorts of yucky stuff has happened since I last posted, but it's all turned out A-OK, so I shall ignore it and carry on like it never happened. My apologies to all my dedicated readers.

So, I finished the fateful Buttercup. As expected, it is too small, but I think I can find someone it will fit. The bias is another thing. I blocked the snot out of it and it's still pretty bad, but it might be wearable... WTF, it was fun to knit. I might try it again, on slightly thicker yarn.


I broke down and bought a garter bar forn my machine on eBay (I will NEVER buy from anything other than a reputable vendor on eBay again. It's become a haven of scammers misrepresenting themselves and their products and I feel dirty just being on there. That being said I bought the garter bar from Sunny Choi, about whom who I have nothing but good things to say. Too bad the bad brings down the good.) and now I can (in theory) transfer multiples of stitches at the same time so I can do proper shaping without driving myself mad. Can't wait to try it.

My Dye Version Bamboo socks are almost done. I am knitting toe up since I want to use up ever scrap of yarn. As usual, I weighed the ball, divided it in two by weight, but for some reason not that I'm two inches or so from the top they are wildly different weights. I can't figure out why. Admittedly, the heels get turned separately, but they look the same and I can't see that making so much difference. There must be some weird sock black hole where the extra yarn just disappeared into. The toe up heel-flap heel rocks. I tried the Widdershins method, but I have a different stitch count and it made my head hurt trying to do the math. I found a much better version at Forward Motion. I had to suspend my disbelief, but I did and it worked, much to my surprise. The lycra in the yarn probably helps but these socks fit so well. Much better than the short row heel, simple though it is.

And machine knitting? I love lace.

I had to fix the lace carriage. I had a good look at it and there was something seriously weird going on with the back wheels.
They have a million trillion pieces that all work together, but the one of the bottom plastic thingies was out of whack on both wheels. I took my handy dandy dissecting kit and jimmied it back into place and now it seems to work fine. I don't know if that was what was responsible for the disaster I had before, but I decided to do what I should have before and start from the first lace card and move on. I started with fine fine acrylic and it kept etting hung up on the gatepegs - like it didn't quite transfer enough. I switched to fingering and it was MUCH better. Got hung up a few time, but no much. I'm not sure if the missed holes are due to the gatepeg issue or something else entirely - I don't know how to determine that but I'm sure all will be revealed in time.



Lucky Jack - a whole new binky.

Here's three generations of mummy-made binky. All the same yarn. Try not to be too grossed out.

And a few words about my new office. Not to gloat, but it's better than I could have imagined. It's improved my concentration, my productivity, and my ability to block at work :)



Hey Elvis - I bet it you take a few days off it'll fix you up so you don't have that weird look on your face. On second thought, maybe you need three MONTHS off.

Self-flagellation

101 reasons for my "cool" neighbours to stay away from me:

- I'm fat and wear ugo clothes and don't look like a supermodel
- My kids behave like WWF wrestlers, not princesses
- I'm single
- My house looks closer to Kentucky than House & Home
- My car is cheap and economical rather than glamourous
- Absolutely nothing about me is glamourous
- I practice free-range (aka neglectful) parenting rather than hovering
- I swear too much
- I drink too much (though really, I don't think that's a negative in our 'hood)
- I'm too negative

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming...

Reading is good

I read like a maniac when I was a kid. I could read in grade one and didn't really stop voraciously devouring books until I went to university, where reading was temporarily replaced by drinking. My father was everlastingly grateful that my passion for Harlequin romances stayed behind when I left home. In truth, boy fantasy was replaced by the not so romantic reality of drunken encounters with the opposite sex, but I'm sure he never clued in to that.

Motivated by Crazy Aunt Purl I give you my favourite childhood books, in no particular order: I started with 10 but it grew...

Susannah of the Mounties and a few of the sequels. This was apparently written in 1936! but it had horses, the cool Mounty uniform... I adored it and wanted to be a Mounty (riding side-saddle, no less!) for ages.

Misty of Chincoteague and the related ones. Horses, yum. Again, written in 1947. What was up with that?

Black Beauty. 1887!!!

The Black Stallion 1941. I must have read that a million times and I think there were a billion spin offs that I read even though they were progressively worse and worse.

My Friend Flicka series. (1941 - it must have been a good year for horsey novels). Again, I adored the original and after a few they seemed to deteriorate. I don't know why I'm surprised - how many plotlines can there be about horses in the mountains? This series suffered from the fatal flaw of introducing romantic relationships - I dropped them like hot coals when that happened.

Nurse books. I seemed to read such old fashioned books! All the nurses wore caps (ah, the ritual of graduating from nursing school and having your cap pinned on) and were reverent and deferential to the doctors. They must have been 1950's vintage. Again, eventually they all seemed to fall in love and I became disgusted and stopped reading them.

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Loved the first one, lost interest after a few.

Every single Laura Ingalls book. I even tolerated her getting married but I didn't really like it. I wanted her to stay Pa's little girl forever. I wonder how many school pictures show my hair in braids like hers? Lots. Now that TV show was awesome since they didn't follow the books, just made up episodes (at least as far as I could tell).

A Wrinkle in Time. I ADORED this book, though I can't remember why. I should read it again.

Watership Down and Jock of the Bushveld, which my dad read to us. I saw the movie of WatershipDown with my dad and it was the beginning of my disenchantment with movie adaptations of books. One's imagination is so much better, I think.

Enid Blyton, the Fabulous Four, the Fantastic Five, the Secret Seven, Mallory Towers - anything to do with British kids having adventures, going to boarding school, riding horses or - even better - both. They all blur together but I could not get enough of them.

Nancy Dew and the Hardy Boys, though I definitely preferred Nancy Drew. I'll still read these if I come across them. Ned Nickerson was the biggest sap in the universe, and combining Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys into one TV series was a tragically bad idea, although by then I thought Parker Stevenson was cute.

Stubby Amberchuck and the Holy Grail. From my dad, about WWF wrestling, being a lesbian... odd things. But I love it. Still have it, and the note my dad wrote to me when he gave it to me.

And every single harlequin-type romance published between about 1980 and 1985.

Acquisitions

Cheap - eight sock blockers in my favourite style for 25 cents. Two pairs are slightly rusty steel (?) and two pairs are zinc. They must be rust resistant as they are in better shape. Some of these are going to need good homes...


Not so cheap: 4 yards of assorted Riley Blake fabric for $24. Very pink. I wonder what was up with me that day?


Both totally worth it.