Seriously??????

My friends are horrified. They are convinced that dude either weighs 300 lbs, lives in his mother's basement, is married, or is existing just to jerk people like me around. Maybe all of the above. Is it fun, I wonder? It takes a special kind of person to do that. Maybe petty, vindictive, dishonest… sound familiar?

Why, they ask, are you willing to give this asshole any more of your time?

I don’t know.

I'm changing my profile to read this:

Tag line: Sucker

I'm a sucker. That's all you need to know. Talk to me nice, use some $50 words, maybe get me laughing and I'll stick with you through thick or thin. Nope, don't bother showing up when we agree to me. Nope, you don't have to confirm because I'll do all the work for you. You don’t ever even have to leave you couch because I'll let you string me along… and along… and along…. until you've had all the fun you can with me. Then you can ditch me and I'll go unresistingly back to the pond. I'll initiate contact, and email you regularly so you never feel the rejection of an empty inbox. I'll wait around while you're online talking to someone else, no problem. That what us suckers are for. They don't put us near the bottom of the food chain for nothing you know. Give us garbage and we eat it right up.

(Also closely related to another flourishing specimen, the Doormat. Maybe you've had some fun with her, too.)

Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me three times? I'm a sucker.